Healing

It has been almost a month since the boys passed away.  I feel like we are learning to heal and to cope with this life changing tragedy.  I just want this whole experience to mean something, I dont want it to all be in vain.  I want to be a better person because of them, to re evaluate myself and my life and change what I feel could be better.  Our boys taught me that life is so very short and that everything can change in an instant.  I want to be someone they can be proud of.  I strongly believe they are our guardian angels and are watching over us.  There have been several instances where we have both felt like they were trying to show us they are still here and watching over us.  On Super Bowl Sunday, just a few days after they passed away we both one right after another pulled crackers out of the same box that had been made together, almost like twin crackers.  One day Tom woke up late for training, only to call and find out it had been pushed back one hour later......when all week long it had been at the same set time.  Tom was riding his bike home from work one morning and the peddle broke off.  He nearly fell into morning rush hour traffic on base, but he caught his balance just in time.....if he had not been able to catch himself he would have been hit by several cars.  It has been super nice out lately so I decided to turn the heat down.  I checked the weather this evening to find out that we are going to be getting some cooler weather so I decided I should turn the heat back up so we don't freeze at night.  The thermostat was set to 70 degrees when I walked over to it, I pushed the up bottom to make it go up and it jumped down to 68 instead of going up...then I pushed it again and it jumped all the way up to 75.   I guess they are just trying to show us that they are always around.  We like to think that when we see a beautiful sunset that it was just the boys painting us a beautiful picture from heaven, or when the wind blows its just them wrapping their arms around us, or when it rains and rain drops fall on our cheeks its just precious little kisses from our sweet angel boys.  We decided to take a vacation in May, when they should have been born to celebrate them.  We are going on an 8 day vacation to Fort Lauderdale Florida!!! It's as close to Heaven as we will ever get on Earth!!  We are looking forward to getting away for awhile and just enjoying eachother.